I laughed and it popped out
The smear test is a moment in a girls life that is dreaded.
And why wouldn't it be, legs spread eagle, someone staring at your private parts oh and yeah the whole cancer thing.
My exam, I can assure you, went worst than most and yet I don't regret it in the slightest! You find out if you have cervical cancer for gods sake.
The evening before I had prepped my southern regions like I was going on a 3rd date. No hair, moisturised, it was probably the best it had ever looked and felt. Going to sleep I felt pleased with my results. Well done me, failure to prepare is preparing to fail and in this case, it was bad enough someone had to look at my vagina let alone make their way through a jungle.
In the morning, however my exam wasn't for another 2 hours. I did my general lazying around the house to distract myself, then I realised I needed to tinkle before the process. Not being able to bare the thought that wee had exited my body and someone would be examining me down there, I then washed myself again and dried myself thoroughly. In reflection too thoroughly.Waiting for the examination in the doctors surgery and on my journey there actually I felt uncomfortable, dry.
As my name got called I felt more at ease. The nurse was lovely, chatty and tried to make me laugh. She asked me to remove my bottoms, to which I responded awkwardly with:
"I'm not normally this easy, I usually need at least a glass of wine"
..... Tumbleweed
Laying on the bed with a bit of blue role covering my modesty we started chatted. As the talk got onto the more serious questions she subtly tried to open my below part with a plastic crank.
"Do you have sex regularly"
And before I had chance to respond..
"Your quite dry down there"
I laughed and coughed at the same time and the thing bloody shot out of me quicker than you can say humiliation (that's actually quite a long word).
I looked at the nurse, mortified,red faced and to be honest, unsure what to do with myself.
"Don't worry love, I wish I had those pelvic floor muscles, let's try again shall we"
Do it do it do it no matter how embarrassing you think it might be.
Try not to laugh....