Your face looks like a chickens Tit.
One of those horrific people who seem
to be unable to control their emotions and just wait until the next day to send
that message.When my phone is in my hand and the send button all blue and
appealing, just glows. It tells me to press it, the bitch.
You’re thinking, yeah we've all been there, we've all done
it. It’s been embarrassing, but its fine, nothing that a day of cringing and
apologising doesn’t make better. No. I take drunk texting to a different, very
odd, level.
You think that text you sent your ex-boyfriend for a booty
call or to "really give him the best blowie of his life" was horrific and you’re kicking
yourself because A) he didn’t text back, or B) worst, he did and you were declined.
PFFFT I was sending those messages years ago, amatuers.
My texting now is
more far more creative. Please feel free to use any of the following:
“Your face looks like
a chicken’s tit”
“You remind me of a
cow playing tennis in a field of mushy peas”
“My elbow looks like your penis”
“Your penis is the size of a nipple”
“Your feet creep me out, like little aliens”
“I know you haven’t asked but I wont be having sex with you
tonight because your face is non symmetrical and your nose looks like a penis.”
“bgsgigfds hifosdhoi hfds fdopsa” – (this is the fake text
to show that you were clearly drunk, when they don’t respond)
What’s worst? Realising
that you’re meant to be seeing that person to pick up something you
“accidentally” (definitely deliberately) left at their house. Needless to say they
posted it.
The most shameful part about it...I always recall the amount
of effort and thought that I’ve put into these messages, which just makes me want to vom in my mouth.
The best cure I've found for drunk texting? Get so ridiculously drunk that when you go to the toilet to send this text, your body doesn't sync with your brain and you accidentally drop your phone down the loo. Then pee on it. Then flush the chain. When you finally realise what you've done, fish it out, hand dryer it and after all of this commotion...you've forgotten what the hell you were doing in the first place.
Voila.
Side note...
Side note...
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