50 shades of shame
Finishing university was long awaited and I when I moved out of my house I was full of mixed of emotions. The main being, I can’t wait to live somewhere that doesn’t have rats. With everything packed bar a few bits and bobs I went and gave everyone a big hug and then returned to my room. I reministed about the amazing last year of university I had and, shit, now how life got serious.
Walking down the grubby grey stairs with a can of magnolia paint I had purchased to freshen up my room (definitely not used), my head was fully in the clouds. What if I had worked harder? What am I going to do with my life? What is life? - the usual. Feeling something odd trickle down my leg I looked down. Without even realising, I had covered myself, the staircase and the banister in cream paint where I had swung the can with the lid not on properly. "&*£%%$&^*".
Having already burnt a hole in the carpet in my room, I could see my deposit slipping away from me. Frantically I started cleaning the carpet, then in typical student style I gave up after 5 minutes. Hungover and having already mentally prepared myself to move, I got in my car and drove home – Bye Bye deposit .
Having already burnt a hole in the carpet in my room, I could see my deposit slipping away from me. Frantically I started cleaning the carpet, then in typical student style I gave up after 5 minutes. Hungover and having already mentally prepared myself to move, I got in my car and drove home – Bye Bye deposit .
A week later and back home working at a pub on minimum wage I realised I needed money – I had to get the deposit back, I was desperate. Another road trip to Leeds was a necessity. I would get on my hands and knees and scrub until you could lick that bloody carpet. Luckily for me I was seeing someone who decided they wanted to join me for a fun trip - I'm unsure how scrubbing paint off carpet was fun, but who was I to say no. So he drove, helped scrub that carpet (lets face it he pretty much did it) and the results were pretty great. All it took was some man power, and a non hungover head. His reward, a night out in Leeds.
After enjoying a delightful Moroccan meal I headed to the bathroom to attempt to make myself look a little bit more refined after several digs had been made about my outfit choice over dinner. Sharing a chat with several ladies at the sink, I then plodded back to the table. After a few minutes of downing the rest of the bottle of wine we left the restaurant and returned back to the house to meet some of my old flatmates. Strolling down the road hand in hand I felt ridiculously pleased with myself, Hot man, Deposit back, Full stomach. Bloody Brilliant.
Walking up the stairs to open the front door my date yanked my hand. As I turned around to ask him what he wanted I noticed an extremely confused/horrified look on his face.
“Nat, are you excited?”
“Urm, yeah I suppose so, it will be a good night”
“No, that’s not what I meant, urm did you get overly excited?”
“I’m sorry? What?”
“……..Nat, have you wet yourself?”
What...honestly what!!!
I looked down, nothing. Then started turning around trying to see the back of my top/dress, pulling it round to see what he was talking about. Its light grey colour had turned 50 shades darker.
Had I wet myself?
No I hadn't. When talking to a woman in the toilet I distinctively remembered he shaking her wet hands off behind me, plus sitting on the edge of the sink couldn't of helped matters. What did I do to ensure that he knew I hadn't wet myself...
"I haven't, honestly! SMELL IT"
Smell it....fucking smell it.
50 shades of grey isn't good when it looks like you've wet yourself
I looked down, nothing. Then started turning around trying to see the back of my top/dress, pulling it round to see what he was talking about. Its light grey colour had turned 50 shades darker.
Had I wet myself?
No I hadn't. When talking to a woman in the toilet I distinctively remembered he shaking her wet hands off behind me, plus sitting on the edge of the sink couldn't of helped matters. What did I do to ensure that he knew I hadn't wet myself...
"I haven't, honestly! SMELL IT"
Smell it....fucking smell it.
50 shades of grey isn't good when it looks like you've wet yourself
0 comments :
Post a Comment