My first waxing experience was in my 2^nd year university bedroom. I lay on the floor with a friend sat on top of me, pinning me down to wax my armpits – something that I had personally requested. WHY!

I was informed that because I normally shaved my armpits, the hair went in all different directions which made it harder to wax. This then required several wax strips instead off it all being whipped off in one. Because I was extremely nervous about inflicting pain on myself I started to sweat. Profoundly. You cannot wax on moist skin so my friend took much enjoyment in covering me with talc powder. She took much more enjoyment however yanking the strips off, me crying and eventually sulking because my armpits felt as though someone had punched them. Really, fucking, hard.

But they looked divine for a solid week and so the pain, totally worth it.

I then decided to go pro. Maybe it would hurt less? And they wouldn't take such joy ripping out my excess hair. Lies.

I casually strolled into a local beauty salon a week before going on holiday. I’d decided that getting my whole body waxed was logical and being smooth all over makes you an instant goddess.

“I want to be waxed”

“Where??”

“All over”

“Be specific”

….

“Armpits, full leg, and…” I point to my nunny… then whisper “my lady section”.

Now, not to be gross, but id given my hair a little time to grow as you have to have a good amount to ensure the waxing works to its full effect. I stripped down to my undies and lay on the table. Feeling rather exposed and nervous the sweating occurred again. Then she walked in. A largish Lady with a Jamaican accent – not dissimilar looking to the lady with all the rings from Brixton on Gogglebox.

“OH.MY.GAWD”

“What? Everything ok?”

“OH.MY GAWD. (exceptionally long pause) …  You clearly shave. Your hair is everywhere” (surely that’s the point??)

“Yeah sorry this is my first proper time”

Then it started. When I say she pushed me onto the bed, it felt like I was being bullied by one big pudgy hand. For every whimper I let out she retaliated with a huff and a role of her eyes. Bitch.

As she proceeded to complete the sides of one leg she started to hit the opposite side that she wanted to wax so I would move my leg in accordance. This hurt.

Then she made me flip over. I was so frightened I’m pretty sure my legs were dripping with sweat. I started to stress about my armpits and wondered where I could possibly find something that would prevent at least some of the sweat as I didn't want her to beat me up. But before I had time to think another strip would be yanked off.  

Emerging from the tear stained pillow when the leg pain had finished she looked at my armpits, in absolute disgust.

“This is ridiculous”

“…I’m so sorry…” what the hell I was sorry for I have no idea.

10 wax strips later she announced we were finished. I looked down at my lady parts and just didn't have the guts/was too scared to tell her she had forgotten the main part.

I strolled out of that salon feeling sticky, abused, and saw.

Gingers feel more pain than others, and if your waxer looks mean, run.